Lowes Shopping Trip 2010

A quick story for you while I am on my lunch break:

Recently we have been having some issues with our swamp cooler. Megan can tell you how she is suffering. So last night I needed to go to the hardware store to get a pump hose restrictor clamp . I decided that it was about time I take my annual trip to Lowes to help me remember why I don't like going there in the first place. The following is my story. Once again, if you like or are in love with Lowes, then don't read this. However, if you depend on Lowes to put food on your table, you should read this so that your store can be better and you can make more money.

I arrived with my two sons at about 8:00. We walked in and surveyed near the entrance for where the seasonal items are, cause it makes sense that in Utah a swamp cooler is a seasonal item. We found the swamp cooler aisle and headed over there. We were short on time cause the sun doesn't stay up forever and I didn't want to be working on this thing in the dark. 

We straightway found all sorts of parts and pieces and valves for swamp coolers. I quickly scanned the entire aisle and couldn't find the part I needed. I scanned the entire aisle again and again and again, no luck. After about 5 minutes of standing in the same spot, without having anyone come help me, I decided I better seek out the help. 

Nearby we found a small kiosk with a button that said push for assistance. So I pushed it and a little red light on the button started blinking, but nothing else happened. Soon a store worker who was already helping someone came to the kiosk and started looking up something for the other customer, but he never acknowledged me. So what did I do, you ask? I said, hey boys, look, here is a button, who wants to push the button? 2-year olds love pushing buttons by the way. Oh, those boys were having so much fun pushing the button! And finally over the loud speaker a voice said "Assistance Needed in the Seasonal Area". But even still the dude who was no more than three feet in front of me never said anything to me or even looked at me. What the? 

I was getting mad, so the boys kept pushing that button. About every sixth push of the button would set off the "Assistance needed..." voice. Finally after about five times that it was announced that assistance was needed, the dude kinda freaked out and said, "Look, I'm going to get in trouble if you keep pushing the button!" Then he picked up his phone and over the loud speaker canceled my plea for assistance to the entire store!!

Ouch. I was more than mad, I was hurt. Don't I deserve a little help? Am I a nobody? 

Soon though, a fancy mid-aged gentleman in a nice vest that said "Service Manager" showed up. I motioned to him that I needed help and he slowly came over to the cooler aisle to answer my question. He couldn't find the restrictor clamp either. He suggested that I get a regular hose clamp. I agreed that a hose clamp might be a good substitution. But then I asked him, "if I am restricting flow, can I anticipate increased wear on my pump?" He said, "I don't know. You should call a technician and ask him."

WHAT???? Who are you?

OK, I am at a hardware store, if I have the gumption to go all the way to the store and try to fix things myself, why would I want to call a technician? Hello, that's exactly what I am trying to avoid!! Unless you're new to this tricky business we call life, contacting a technician to magically solve all your problems isn't always an option. Only sometimes. We can talk about those later.

So I left and went to Home Depot. And then it was dark, and I barely got the thing put together before all light was gone. And then we used it for a while before it tripped the breaker again. I think it's due to the wire nut and electrical tape splice job someone did on the main power lines INSIDE the cooler. The splice job totally looks like it belongs in one of those emails that goes around showing all the really dangerous things people do with power lines in third world countries. Sorry Brian Hanson if you did the splice job. This weekend's project will be to pull new power lines to the system with connections only in the moisture-protected control box. 

The bright spot in this whole story is that I discovered you can buy a digital thermostat for your swamp cooler! Who knew!?! They're a bit pricey, but I am interested. Once we solve all our problems, I think I will get one.

THE END